About my Niece

So remember when I said I didnt know what to do with a little girl - and only wanted boys? Yeah....that went straight out the window the day my neice was born 6-16-92. I took one look at her and my knees got weak. I mean....she....just...made....me....melt! This little pink bundle made me cry the second I saw her. I cant explain the difference between seeing her (who was an absolute gorgeous baby) and seeing my nephew (who looked like Mr. McGoo). But moving past the shallow aspect - it was just a different feeling. I remember the day she came home from the hospital. I picked her up and went for a walk outside with her. I was talking to her and looking at her and I promised her that I would always be there for her. And I was - until I couldnt be anymore. The years following her birth were filled with even more of my sisters drama, money trouble and craziness. I watched my sister who wanted a daughter SO bad treat this little girl like a second class citizen. She worshiped my nephew and my niece felt it in every way. My nephew was not good around her. He hurt her a few times. And im sure there were more times than we knew about. By the time they moved in with us my niece was 8 years old. And they had moved 4 times - evicted from each place which is why they wound up with us. We couldnt take the instability and the added financial burden of caring for them on top of caring for our own responsibilities. My niece used to be a loving, happy kid. But she changed - it seemed to happen overnight. She was very withdrawn and distant. And she was slipping thru the cracks because her parents didnt care. I saw it. My sister didnt. It was another of those "mind your own business" moments. I could only do so much. She got darker and darker. As she grew her clothing changed to only dark colors and dark makeup. Piercings, gagings and tattoos. And I suspected she was cutting herself. I tried talking to my sister and pointing it out. It got me nowhere. She made excuses for her injuries while I kept saying this kid needs help. SOMETHING happened. DO SOMETHING! I was told to stay out of it and stop being paranoid. I knew she was using drugs and drinking. Hell, my sister was getting high with my niece on a regular basis and proud of it - because they were "friends". And of course my niece loved that. It made me sick to my stomach. I tried talking to her. She would not open up. I felt like she drifted far away from me. Its a funny thing how kids - even though they knew their Mom was screwed up - were so influenced by her. She filled their minds with so many lies and misguided them in every step they took - and they fell for it. After many exhausting years there was nothing to do but walk away for sanity. By the time the court cases ended and they were removed from the house my niece was 100% by my sister's side. On the day they were moving out my sister got into a huge fight with my Dad. Things got physical. He wound up in the hospital. She wound up leaving the house in handcuffs. All while my niece stood in front of our home with all of our neighbors watching along with police cars, ambulances and fire trucks screaming the most vile things at me - because in her eyes it was all my fault. She said things that were just awful - and to be honest we were scared. Terrible threats were made. I couldnt believe this was my little angel that I loved so much. That used to tell me I should have been her Mom. Another heartbreak. How could this happen? It would be 8 long years before I had any contact with my niece again. She came to the house one day because my father had just been discharged from one of his hospital stays. We didnt think he was going to pull thru so I texted my sister to let her know. She must have told my niece. When she got there she wouldnt even look at me. She stayed with my parents for about an hour. I stayed in the background. The conversation was so strained. My parents made sure to tell her how much we all missed her and loved her and let her know we are still family and that she was welcome any time. She was unphased. When she said she had to go I walked out with her. I asked her if we could talk for a minute - and what followed was the saddest conversation I have ever had in my entire life. It started with her repeating a lie my sister told her. And that was it for me. I unleashed - I told her the story she had was not true. Every statement she made (repeating my sisters words) was met with reality. I told her now that she was an adult I would say things to her that I wouldnt ever say to her as a child. At one point, it looked like I punched her in the stomach. She literally doubled over and had to catch her breath. I could see the look on her face when she realized she had everything wrong - based on my sisters version. HER MOTHERS version. The person that is supposed to protect and defend you and never lie to you! I kept saying to her that I knew she knew the truth. And that she knew I would never do what my sister told her because she knew me. At one point I asked her how her life was going? She had been estranged from us for 8 years. And she told me how horrible things were for her with my sister. I asked her if we were responsible for that as well? Then she broke down. She said deep down she knew the truth. But my sister is verrrry manipulative and so good at making you think you are the crazy one. She started to sob "how could you not come for me"?...She said "why did you let me go with her?" And she said "I knew I should have stayed with you". I told her it was not my place to take her from her mom. She was an adult and made her decision. My heart broke for this poor kid. It was a long talk. I told her moving forward id rather have a hard conversation with her then to let any of this hostility build. I told her i would never lie to her - I had no reason to and that she may not like what she was hearing from me but it would always be the truth. And I told her that I prayed for this very day - the day we could talk all of this out. Because I always felt it was coming with her. I never felt that with my nephew. After that day, we worked on repairing all the damage my sister has caused. Its still there to this day and its not always easy. My sister is NOT happy that we are close again. My niece and I are 30 years apart. The things she has opened up to me about actually give me chills. It sounds like my life was when I was younger with my sister. This kid thought she was losing her mind all this time. That no one would believe what she was going thru or would understand. That she was alone. That no one cared. We have compared stories - and its the same things over and over that we lived - with the same common denominator. I found out what happened to my niece. She has not been able to tell me - but someone else did. I will not put it out there. Im furious and heartbroken over it. My sister was blessed with 2 beautiful kids but they are just as damaged as we are because of her.