About my Nephew

When my sister and I were younger we had a conversation one day. It must have been a day when she was somewhat human because I dont remember a lot of cute talks happening between us. But we were talking about having kids (which I knew I personally would never have of my own). She told me she never wanted boys. Only girls. And me, being the gigantic tomboy that I always was only wanted boys. I related to boys. I knew nothing about being a girly girl. And quite frankly I didnt even understand what was supposed to be my own language. I tried to pull it off for a while - didnt work. Square peg - round hole. Thats me. Anyway we made a pact. If I had girls she would take them. And if she had boys I would take them! Deal! There was a time in 1986 when I had my mind set on moving to Italy. I had the wheels in motion. I was going and nothing was going to stop me. My family was distraught. One of my Mother's statements still haunts me to this day - "Dont leave me, Ill die without you". The tears and arguments ultimately turned into my sister not speaking to me for almost 3 months. It was pretty ugly. But I made my plans. Studying in Florence at Istituto Michelangelo - submerging myself in Italian culture, cooking, art, language, sports - life! And of course love (but that eventually didnt work out). Anyway, after not speaking to me for 3 months my sister called me one day out of the blue. She asked if we could meet for lunch. She said she needed to talk to me. I agreed. We met at the Ground Round (a chain that is long gone - but made great drinks!) Once we sat down, she looked at me and said "im pregnant - now you cant go to Italy". I shit you not. That was exactly what she said. My mouth dropped open...and all those plans I made seemed to just fade away in the excitement of a baby coming. Nothing could stop me from going - except this. I canceled everything and stayed home. (Big mistake) As her pregnancy progressed I kept asking if she picked names and she only had girl names picked. She was convinced he was a girl. I was convinced it was a boy. She settled on a name the night before he was born - just in case. That little boy was born October 13, 1988. While she was holding him as he was still covered in all the gunk babies are born with... she cried and kept saying to him "you were supposed to be a little girl - I didnt want a little boy". But three days later she was in love and obviously I wasnt getting him! But I have to tell you that little boy became my world. He is my Godson. He was the light of my life and my little buddy. And with all that was going on with my sister and that piece of crap she married - we had a lot of time raising him....my parents, me - but loving every minute of it even though we all took on a financial burden that wasnt ours. Diapers, formula, clothes, supplies, bills anything for that baby. As he grew, even he got pulled into the craziness of my sister (which we all agreed should have NEVER had kids). They fought constantly. It was terrible. Disrespectful. Physical. Dangerous. Over the years there were many times he would come to me and ask for help. The one thing I never did was bad mouth my sister to her kids. I didnt think it was right. They could see for themselves. But I was not his mother - which was pointed out to me by my sister many times and I would not be responsible for making any decisions for him. I told him he was more that welcome to live with me - but there were rules. Something he was never taught. He didnt like them - so he stayed put. Eventually, he graduated HS and joined the Marines. I couldnt believe this was the path he took - after running wild for 18 years and never being taught discipline I gave him 3 weeks in the Marines and figured he would be home. I was wrong. He thrived! He did so good. I was so proud...until deployment to Afghanistan turned that feeling into absolute terror and worry. While he was there I was talking to him practically every day. He was infantry and on the front lines. My heart sunk everytime we talked online (the only way to communicate). I begged him to stay with his guys, never get seperated, stay safe and please come home. We always exchanged "I love yous". At the time he was deployed all of the stuff back home with my sister was heating up with trying to get her out of the house. It was so explosive that the police were called many times to intervene. She was arrested. Court cases and lawyers were involved. All while this was happening I never once told my nephew what was going on. I figured he had enough to worry about with staying alive and shouldnt be worried about his mothers craziness and what she was doing. But one day, I signed on to my computer to talk to him - like always - and I was blocked. Apparently she told him everything. And like any good son - he took her side. I was beyond devastated. After everything. After all he knew. All he cried to me about. All the embarrassment she caused him and damage she did to him. All the fighting they did. All the times he called her crazy....he took her side. I never expected him to take my side. But I didnt expect to be cut off either. And just like that I was the enemy simply because it came down to me finally making the decision of keeping my parents safe, myself safe, my pets safe and protecting our home. Her version is so different from what happened - but he believed her. It still boggles my mind to this day. I heard he was wounded over in Afghanastan. He was discharged because of it and came home. I was in Shop Rite one day and I literally ran into him coming around the corner of the produce department. I was so relieved to see he was ok....and I tried to talk to him. He was so cold to me. I couldnt even get the words out - trying to say "Danny, I hope one day you come to me and ask what happened". I didnt even get it out because all he kept yelling was "I suggest you stay away from me". Everyone in the produce department was watching the commotion. It was horrible. OMG....i wanted to die. I walked away holding back tears until I got a few aisles away and I just lost it. Sobbing in the middle of the store. He broke my heart. He has since gotten married, had 2 little boys and became police officer. Even though I am incredibly proud of how he has turned his life around after such terrible living conditions, I often wonder how a man of law enforcement could take the stand against me for doing what he probably gets calls on every day. Domestic violence, elder abuse, drug use and dealing drugs, robbery, property damage, dangerous living conditions (they set the house on fire and it gutted our whole lower level - another story for later). The list goes on. But this is what he chose. He will not talk to me. He never spoke to his grandparents again. We were all so close. My sister did so much damage to this family. I always go back to me changing my mind about going to Italy. Life would have so different for me.....I think.