Im Lucky

My Mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma right around Christmas.

We did nothing this year at the house for the holidays. Strange for us.

No lights. No decorations (inside or out). No presents. No big family dinners. No Christmas cards. Nothing....I didn't even torment Larry (my neighbor) this year. I didn't have the heart. I think he was depressed because of it.

With Mom being sick, I have been spending a lot more time with her - even more than usual. Back and forth to doctor appointments, a barrage of tests, & just trying to help her out because she isn't feeling well. Her first round of chemo wiped her out and she spent a week in the hospital because of it.

Its given us a lot of time to talk about so many things. My Mom, even though she can be a pain in the ass, is a remarkable woman. She is so wise in so many ways. I feel truly blessed to have her in my life and on my side. She gives me such comfort. Its like she always knows the right thing to say to calm me down or soothe me, to cheer me up, to give me a pep talk, or to kick me in the ass when I need it.

We weren't always close and at times I didn't think she liked me very much (lol). I guess my younger years were too much for her to handle. I get blamed for all her gray hair. I know you will find this hard to believe but I WAS a bit of a challenge *wink*. But what has developed since those rough patches is something that I am profoundly thankful for and will always cherish. Our relationship is amazing.

She has been there for me - good, bad or indifferent. I don't know how to thank her enough for all she has done for me.

I am lucky.

And...I'm worried about her.

I want her to be ok.

I NEED her to be ok.